To all One's ever loyal Royalist followers throughout the realm, may this message in these bleak times give you hope and courage for the future ahead. For those of you who have not heard there has been an effective coup d'etat in the realm. No, not by the usurper who One still suspects had some hand in this most heinous of acts, but by the Chairman and the Secretary-General of the new regime. Of course, these counterfeit titles are as baseless as the morals of the people upon which they have been bestowed. These people whom We once perceived as the most trustworthy of One's inner circle will, to you and Oneself, forever remain Servants #1 and #2.But One must start from the beginning.
At the beginning of the year, the usurper continued in his domination of the Royal household, taking up the majority of Servant #1 and #2's attention. His nocturnal pursuits meant sleep became an unaffordable luxury for the Servants. Also falling victim to HRH Sebastien's demands were marathon training for Servant #2 and subsisting on anything other than caffeine and sugar for Servant #1.
One expanded One's social network and allowed Servant #1 some breathing space as One started preschool in the new world. Whilst One's schedule of 9am-3pm Monday through Friday seemed daunting at first (to everyone but Oneself), We positively thrived in Our new environment and We were terribly upset the first day of school when Servant #1 arrived at 3pm. One had thought that Oneself was staying at school overnight. We became somewhat mollified when the teachers explained to Us that everyone, including them, had to go home each day so that the classrooms could be cleaned for the next day. Dubiously We returned to the palace and were only satisfied when We were able to return the next day. Of course, all of this played into the usurper's hands to monopolize Servant #1's attention. It allowed the usurper to attend playgroups on his own merits - and allowed time to plot how to wreak further chaos on the palace lives.
As you can imagine Our loyal subjects, such attentions caused a certain level of friction between Oneself and the usurper, and whilst One in no way thinks this was justification of the actions of Servants #1 and #2, One does feel it may have been a major contribution to the overthrow of the royal family. As a result of this coup, One has been forced into exile in the Orient. Some poorly contrived pretexts about 'academic freedom for the masses at the Wang Yanan Institute for Studies in Economics' and 'growth opportunities for the whole family' were given; but being forcibly moved across oceans without any say in the matter is exile in any language.
And so it was with great sadness that One left Our Urbana-Champaign colonies in the new world. Fortunately, the new regime is not completely without benevolence. The garden island city of Xiamen has provided One with elegant surrounds. In fact, One feels that the kingdom's new trappings/appointments surpass in grandeur the old. One has more room to swing One's cat (or the usurper) and the sub-tropical climate better suits One's taste in clothing (or lack thereof). However, One does still share the Royal bedchamber with HRH2 - though He has progressed from crib to standard bed. One does enjoy One's cage and looks forward to its return during the mosquito season. We are fortunate in allowing the usurper to share His cage in the meantime. As a sign of the civility of the new regime, the palace trends continue to include princesses, pink, glitter, high heels, princesses, lip gloss, pink - did One mention pink princesses? Even HRH Sebastien has taken to playing with One's handbags.
One of the most irksome things about One's new surrounds is the language. It seems the locals have not been taught proper elocution. As an articulate and very social member of the Royal court, One is unused to being unable to convey Our every wants and desire to those around Us. Accordingly, We must be the only "laowai" (foreign) children many residents see as We are more often than not accosted wherever We go and fawned over, touched, commented upon, offered food (especially chocolate and more recently mandarines), and generally poked, prodded and "loved" - or wondered at. Particularly One's large eyes are commented upon and One cannot count the number of times that One is told that One is beautiful. We have had so many photos taken, endured so much that One now finds it more expedient to say "Bu yao!" to anyone who says anything to Us at all – even if it was a friendly “Hello”.
Similarly, the Chinese preschool teachers are ignorant of One's natural superiority by birthright. They don't even speak much English. One notes that the afternoon siesta proscribed at school is a yawn-inducing affair. However it does not do to upset these Chinese school teachers so early in One's banishment. However, preschool does give One the chance to use the Squat Throne. This most ingenious device is even preferred on other outings to Western Thrones. Another positive of the school environment is One's newly established friendships and One has deigned to learn some of the local dialect in order to facilitate better communication with all. It really is remarkable how incapable Our new so-called leaders are in developing skills in this vital area of state affairs.
Servant #1 has spent her time trying to become acclimated to China - and fervently resisting all enquiries as to whether she is to be teaching english. Servant #2 has taken to cycling to work - now that it is winter - and One is quite pleased with the seat on the back of said conveyance. Although unseemly for One of such station, One does rather enjoy going fast!
One also enjoys hiking with Servant #2 and HRH2, an amusement which One's new location provides plenty of opportunity for. HRH2 still requires some assistance avoiding things like roads and vehicles, difficult now His principle word is “car”, but One will continue to persevere.
Because the move of the Palace occurred in August, One did not manage Halloween in the traditional manner, however One did manage to attend an ex-patriot function dressed as, ahem, a princess. One was also reassured to find that the new regime and its location do not preclude a visit from Santa Claus. Among many other gifts, One received a bike with training wheels and One does very much enjoy pedaling around the Palace complex on it. The bell has a suitably regal tone, however a seat on the back for HRH2 to sit on would make it perfect.
Auspiciously One was granted limited travelling rights to visit the southern colonies at the end of this year to attend another family wedding - One rather enjoyed meeting One's extended family and introducing HRH2 to everyone. One also managed to enjoy pre-Christmas celebrations at numerous residences in Australia. One was rather miffed, however, not to have been visiting with One's friends in America as well. One does plan to use all One's powers of persuasion to encourage the new regime to spend some of the Royal coffers on a visit to the old northern colonies in the new year.
We have enjoyed fewer visitors this year from the colonies - Uncle Matt spent some time with his arm in a fistulated cow whilst in One's care although he does assure One that he bears no ill-will towards Us. Although We are at the whim of Our servants here in exile, We were given permission to receive Goran, Kat and Beano from the States in Our new surrounds and hope to be allowed to receive many other guests in the near future.
One does assure you that the stories being reported from behind the cloak of secrecy of the Great Firewall of China are inaccurate at best and indiscriminate proletariat lies at worst - the bias of the mouthpiece of the masses, NevinGrahamFamily.blogspot.com, is not to be countenanced and anything that you may have heard about Oneself or HRH2 is purely perfidious piffle spread by nonsensical nincompoops.
In these trying times We wish you all a healthy, safe and prosperous Year of the Ox!
HRH Alexandra
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